2016’s Millarworld Competition was a great chance to test my writing muscles and for a property other than my own.
Why Nemesis? I love Mark Millar but haven’t read too may of his own properties yet and this was one I had, I did enjoy it but agree with the comments of many reviewers on some of its flaws, but I do enjoy a dark character so can’t complain 😉
I was very happy with the finished script/idea, Nemesis, love it or hate it, is a unique idea and I wanted to delve below the mask a little. It was against to the rules to do an origin story and possibly that would have been too cliche anyway but I wanted to show more of him when the mask wasn’t on. Coupled with an interest to also explain how he achieves all he does given the likely cost (that’s one big hideout he’s got!) the story soon fell together.
However, after submitting it and closer to the deadline I realised that, whilst focusing on him heavily, it didn’t give the eponymous Nemesis enough ‘screen time’, something confirmed in very constructive feedback provided by a great indie creator friend. Still, a fun experience all round and well done to the winners and a slap on the back for those who entered.
FAO Mark Millar, Editor
One-Shot – The World’s A Stage
Script by Michael Phoenix (Michael Lee Brand)
Final Draft: 23 October 2016
Open to a boardroom meeting at a modern and opulent office where 16 people, 8 per side, are sat waiting. At the end of the table is a large screen LCD but this item does not need to be highlighted particularly in the panel. All are old executive director types, 55-70 in age, with them featuring a mixture of spectacles, liver spots and comb-overs. Some are bald, some scrawny and some overweight but all in varying states of indignance.
Panel Caption ‘HQ of Global Media LLC’
Executive 1 “Irregular, most irregular.”
Executive 2 “I had to fly in from the Bahamas.”
Executive 3 “And we are still waiting!”
Narrator Caption ‘I’m not sure what I am’
Close up on the face of one of the executives. He should have a weathered face of authority and stern inclination
Narrator Caption ‘But I’ve Always Been Different’
Executive 4 “I suggest we make it very clear to this new CEO.”
Executive 4 “That we are the board of this company and that there are expecta…”
*he is interrupted mid sentence by a television crackle*
Close-up panel, we see a lower left corner of the television and just a portion of jaw and mouth
TV Person “Gentleman! Your attendance at such short notice is so appreciated.”
Wide panel, view is as if we are within the TV looking out and down at the board and its members, possible fish-eye style lens effect, with them all peering back up at it slightly confused.
Narrator Caption ‘At First It Made Things Difficult’
TV Person “I’ll make this quick as I’ve a flight to make.”
TV Person “You’re all fired.’ ‘Thank you.”
Narrator Caption ‘But I Learned To Embrace My Differences’
These three tight panels represent each stage of the shock and recovery of Exec 4.
Panel 1a Executive 4’s mouth is frozen open in shock
Panel 1b Similar pose, more emotion coming in
Executive 4 “Fired… FIRED?”
Panel 1c Full flushed face ready to go atomic
Executive 4 “We are the board of this enterprise.”
Executive 4 “We, not you sir, are the real pow…”
*is interrupted mid speech again by the TV voice*
We see a section of the TV screen again, the same section of mouth or the other corner to keep the view fresh.
Narrator Caption ‘As A Result, I Flourished’
TV Person “Shut your fucking mouth. Right now or you won’t live to regret it.”
TV Person “All of you, listen fucking closely.”
We see some of the board members with drained colour faces sat upright and now paying attention to the screen, in the background a women slips in through the meeting room doors.
*dialogue coming in from off panel from the TV still*
TV Voice “I bought this company for $340 million dollars.”
TV Voice “Broken up, I’m going to sell it for twice that.”
Narrator Caption ‘Propelled By Ambition And Ego’
We see a section of the TV screen again, possibly a piece of mouth or another corner.
TV Voice “You old bastards? You won’t see a penny of the profits.”
TV Voice “Look very closely at the folders being handed out now by my lovely
Narrator Caption ‘To Overcome And Outdo’
A bespectacled and sultry secretary slips with one hand a folder onto executive 4’s desk, he looks down at it sheepishly as if his own tombstone may have just been laid in front of him.
TV Voice “Most of you I have dirt on.”
TV Voice “Others I’ve simply framed.”
TV Voice “The rest? I’m threatening your lives and your families.”
Shows Exec 4 opening the folder
Narrator Caption ‘But I Could Not Find Peace’
View of the open dossier on Exec 4’s desk, contains a small collection of written files, on the top is a paper clipped image. We see a picture of him dressed in lace on his knees gimp style and a dominatrix standing over him. The written file is underneath and some unfocussed text can be seen but in focus at the bottom is the text ‘waiver’ next to a signature strip.
Narrator Caption ‘I Needed To Fulfil My Total Potential’
TV Voice “In each folder is a waiver that you will need to sign.”
Narrator Caption ‘I Asked Myself, How Far Did I Want To Go?’
/Panel 3 a,b,c – A series of small panels
Panel 3a – Executive 1 is looking down at his dossier with his head in his hands
TV Voice “No Money.”
Panel 3a – Executive 2 is looking down at his dossier with his hand covering his mouth
TV Voice “No Stock Options.”
Panel 3a – Executive 4 has closed his dossier and is sat silent
TV Voice “Nothing.”
We see a section of the TV screen again, possibly a piece of mouth or another corner. Maybe now we show a different angle, show the full lower jaw / mouth.
Narrator Caption ‘I Knew The Answer’
TV Voice “You have 15 minutes to sign it and leave my building.”
TV Voice “Any longer and I make good on my promises set before you.”
TV Voice “Now” “Your decisions gentlemen?”
Narrator Caption ‘All The Way’
We see all members of the board sat around the table paused in thought.
We see now the board from the same camera angle as in the previous page panel, but now they are on TV and being viewed from a remote location. They are all scribbling furiously now.
*Now no longer coming from the TV but actually here in the room for lettering purposes*
TV Voice “Excellent choice all of you.”
“The company thanks you for your service.”
Side view of the same mouth / jaw we’ve been seeing on Television and their nose. We hear a ‘click’ as the television turns off.
Narrator Caption ‘For Years I Wore A Mask’
TV Voice “Well, that’s todays chores done.”
Same side view but a white mask is being rolled down the face
TV Voice “Time to get back to reality.”
Narrator Caption ‘But Now I’ve Shown My True Face’
Same side view but the mask is now fully worn.
Nemesis “Gentle Joe are we ready?”
Gentle Joe “Good to go Boss.”
Narrator Caption ‘And Never Have I Felt More Certain’
Big wide panel of Nemesis sat at his computer screen. On the screen are multiple surveillance video feeds, countdowns, stock markets and news feeds. This should fit to Nemesis Comic #2 Page 4 in style / setting. Nemesis throws his hands up in the air as he speaks. In the centre of the screen is a picture of Air Force One.
Narrator Caption ‘About What I Am’
Nemesis “Excellent. Then let’s get going.”
“We’ve a very important plane to catch!”
Sits within Panel 5. Nemesis is walking forward towards the panel and the viewers perspective, his entourage is in-tow.
Narrator Caption ‘Me? I’m A Fucking Psychopath’
‘Time To Show The World What I Can Do’